Why do I call my coaching service Befriending the Guardians?

This language conveys the intent to understand and integrate resistance energies rather than “tame” them. Think of a lion tamer and her whip. She rules by fear as she snaps the potentially harmful leather that could lacerate an animal’s skin.

By contrast, Befriending conjures images of Horse Whispering, a method of creating a partnership with a horse that is wild or perhaps recovering from abuse. Befriending an animal encourages trust and affection and creates the possibility of forming a deeply rewarding relationship.

After a disturbing experience, its reactive residue remains in the body as fear, anger, grief, or numbness. Many people power through their reactivity, unwittingly ignoring opportunities to explore why this reactivity might be happening and what gifts it might hold.

Powering through is a form of bullying we inflict on ourselves, and bullying increases our resistance to change and grow. Unlike a bullying approach, Befriending suggests respect and trust in a possible partnership with energies that initially may feel hostile and dangerous.

Taming the beast?

We often use the word taming with the word “beast.” In this context, beast suggests brute force that must always be held in check. Calling challenges “beasts” suggests that a power struggle is inevitable.

Reframing resistance as a Guardian suggests intelligent support is potentially available to us as we open to exploring its purpose in showing up in our lives. No contest of strength is required. In fact, when we Befriend a potential Ally or Guardian, we are expressing our respect for the body’s wisdom when it expresses reactivity after a challenging experience.

Think of a child crying after a fall. If someone says “crying is for babies,” the child feels shamed and swallows rather than releases the negative emotions, ensuring this energy will express as reactivity. If someone says “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Let’s do what we can to make you feel better,” the fall is soon forgotten and reactivity is avoided.

Transforming our attitudes to all forms of resistance brings peace, comfort, and the empowering belief in our wisdom and ability to heal.

This is why we Befriend the Guardians rather than Tame the Beasts. Transformation and integration come with Befriending, respectful energy, while fear and exhaustion are guaranteed when we make our resistance something to be dominated by force or escaped by dissociating.